So I've taken up Siblings without rivalry by Adele Fabe and Elaine Maszlisch agian.
They specifically addres siblings fighting .
So this is their suggestion:
Step 1: Acknowledge their anger i.e - I see you are very cross with each other
Step 2: Reflect the prpblem i.e He wants the toy cause he feels it was his first. She wants the toy cause he doesn't play with it anymore.
Step 3: State the problem with respect i.e I see one toy and two children. That's a though one
Step 4. Express your condfidence in them coming up with a solution that is fair to both
Step 5 : Walk away
So this is how it went in our house last night.
This was about a chair the kids were fighting about
Step one: Me: I see you are very angry with each other. Screaming from Andrew- YES!!
Step two: Me- I see one chair and two kids- Screaming- and shoving from both kids
Step 3:-Things are starting to fall apart now.-Sisters are for loving Andrew- as he is now shoving and screaming at Carmen
Step 4- I feel confident you two can come up with a solution- Andrew is now standing next to me crying that it is his chair. I tell him to tell Carmen not me- He gives her another shove ( I'm starting to lose my patience now)
Step 5- Me talking to Carmen- Carmen are you willing to share? She nods yes- I tell Andrew thar Carmen says she will share. He goes reluctantly and with a big sulk to sit next to her.
Sigh- So much for my kids coming up with their own solution- I had to steer the whole conversation. I wonder if they will ever come up with their own solutions. *sighs* *shakes head*